Joker's vacation home
by Pikazilla
Summary: Joker and Harley steal's a thug's house and moves in. This thug, Rhino, tries his best to stay alive.
1. Intro

My name is Rhino, and I am a thug. I am not to be confused with the marvel supervillian, I have no super powers. I used to work for Scarface and the Ventriloquist, but he was recently murdered by the Great White Shark and Tally Man, two guys I know nothing about. Now I work for the Clock King, until now…

It started at my two storey house, I was watching some Space Ghost Coast to Coast and I couldn't stop laughing at Brak. When I stopped laughing, I though I heard a weird echo from my laughter. Then, the doorbell rang and I opened it. It was The Clock King.

**Rhino** Oh, Hi boss. Do you need me? (pause) Sir?

I thought that there was something weird going on. At first I thought that this man was not The Clock King, but he was. I found that out when his body fell to the floor with a knife in his back.

**Rhino** Clock King!

**???** Oh Dear, I've made quite a mess.

**Rhino** Who is that?

**???** I'm coming for you. I'm going to gut you like a Cornish game hen.

**Rhino** What? You won't kill me so easily.

**Harley** Here, use this flamethrower.

**Rhino** (grabs flamethrower) Thanks… Wait. What? Who are you?

**Harley** (punches him in the face) I'M HARLEY QUINN!

**Rhino** Ok, I heard that. Wait… oh crap.

**Joker** Oh come on, are we that scary?

**Rhino** (Fires the flamethrower, a sandvich falls out of the gun) Oh, there's my sandvich. (eats sandvich and talks with mouth full) Now, you think we're scary? No. My Hyenas are scary. (pause) I SAID "MY HYENAS ARE SCARY!" (Joker's hyenas run into Rhino's house) That's more like it. (The Hyenas start eating the dead Clock King)

**Rhino** W-what are you doing here Joker?

**Joker** Well, Gotham was getting pretty boring, so I decided to have a little break. Nice house, I'm going to make this my vacation home.

**Rhino** What the ef? My house is only 2 miles away from Gotham.

**Joker** Perfect. Now, I can stay close to Gotham, just incase I want to MURDER someone. (squeezes rhino's cheeks) and don't forget (joker uses baby talk) _If wittle Joker gets pissed off by you, there will be one wittle less mouth to feed_. In other words, I'll kill you.

**Rhino** Great.


	2. I wonder what's for dinner

At first, I thought that Joker would eventually leave my house because its not as fancy as other houses near or in Gotham. He could have stole Bruce Wayne's mansion or even an abandoned factory, but no… he chooses my home. I just am gonna let him rest on my coach, put his muddy shoes on my priceless glass table, and make sure he is calm.

**Rhino** Can I help you with anything Joker?

**Joker** You look nervous. Why so serious?

**Rhino** I'm just fine (I'm shaking like a leaf. How am I not gonna piss my pants?)

**Harley** Hey Mr J, why don't we invite our friends over?

Joker kicks Harley, causing her to land on the glass table, destroying the table.

**Joker** Shut up Harley, I'm thinking! Hmm… You know what, that's a good idea.

**Rhino** (whispers) This guy is nuts.

**Harley** (whispers) No kidding.

**Rhino** What the hell! Where did you come from? Didn't Joker knock you out?!

**Harley** I'm used to it. Don't worry Mr. J, I'll call our friends.

**Joker** Make me some dinner too, I'm hungry.

Harley goes into the kitchen.

**Joker** And you, Rhino, entertain my Hyenas.

**Rhino** Uh, is that safe?

**Joker** Don't worry, everyone knows Hyenas don't eat Rhinos.

**Rhino** But, I'm not a real rhino.

**Joker** Why so serious? Just play with them.

**Rhino** Do Hyenas eat humans?

**Joker** Only when they get hungry. (points a gun at Rhino's head) Now go before I get SERIOUS.

Well, how do I entertain Hyenas? I started with the basics.

**Rhino** See the stick? Get the stick. (tosses stick) Fetch the stick!

They didn't like that.

**Rhino** Uh… want some doggie treats?

They didn't listen; instead, they were peeing in my pool.

**Rhino** Uh, want to play with a tennis ball?

I tossed the ball, but I accidentally hit one of them in the face. He started growling. I tried to run away, but I tripped and landed on my back. But the Hyena didn't attack me, he pissed in my eye. A few minutes later, I got up on my feet and went inside. When I opened the door, a bucket of water fell on me.

**Joker** Hahaha, that trick never gets old! Oh, that's not water, it's the gasoline from your car.

**Rhino** I couldn't tell by the smell, your dogs pissed in my nose.

**Joker** You seem board, want to see a magic trick?

Joker tossed a small axe into my basement door.

**Joker** I'm going to make this axe, disappear! (falls asleep)

**Harley** Hey Mr. J, I made some pizza (with a bacon smile).

**Rhino** Do I smell smoke?

**Harley** Yeah, the kitchen is on fire.

**Rhino** WHAT! MY KITCHEN!

I grabbed my fire extinguisher, not realizing that it wasn't mine. Joker gave me a flamethrower instead, that looked like a fire extinguisher. As the fire grew, some ignited the gasoline on my body. I panicked, but then a cool blast of air destroyed the fire.

**Rhino** Wow, thanks… who are you?!

**Mr Freeze** How do you not know me?


End file.
